How to Let Go of Perfectionism

There are common moments every perfectionist knows: rewriting the same email five times, never finishing something because it “wasn’t quite ready,” or overthinking a conversation worrying you said the wrong thing… then some part of you whispering “what is wrong with me?!”

Fair question. Perfectionism can feel like there’s something wrong. The tricky part is it also can be what drives you forward, creates that gritty personality type, the persistent achiever – but it comes with a cost.

The constant pressure, the relentless self-criticism, a feeling of exhaustion because of chasing a standard that always seems to move just a little farther away. Many people wonder if perfectionism is actually a mental health disorder…

The answer is no – perfectionism isn’t a diagnosis, but don’t let that fool you into thinking it’s harmless.

Since there is no such thing as “perfectionism disorder”, let’s look at what perfectionism actually is, when it starts to overlap with something more serious, and most importantly, what you can do to loosen its grip.

In my work as a therapist with high achievers, athletes, and professionals – perfectionism is rarely about excellence. More often, it’s about protection. It’s an attempt to stay ahead of failure, criticism, disappointment, or not feeling like enough.

Ironically, the very thing meant to keep you safe often becomes the thing that keeps you stuck.

Is Perfectionism a Disorder?

No. Perfectionism isn’t listed as a mental health disorder in the DSM-5. Clinically, it’s understood as a personality trait or cognitive behavioral pattern – a way of thinking and coping, not a standalone mental illness.

That being said, researchers describe perfectionism as transdiagnostic, meaning it’s an underlying pattern that can show up across many mental health conditions. Some of those being Anxiety, Depression, Eating disorders, and OCD. So no, “perfectionism disorder” isn’t a diagnosis, but it isn’t just a personality quirk either.

Although we don’t diagnose it – perfectionism is a common factor to be taken seriously amongst the high-functioning anxiety population of achievers, performers, professionals, and athletes.

When Perfectionism Overlaps with an Actual Diagnosis

One of the challenges I run into as an Anxiety Therapist working with clients struggling with perfectionism is that some aspects of it can be what has helped them reach success in business, sports, or any other area of pursuit in their lives. The distinguishing factor is often found in their self talk.

Ultimately, when it becomes more than healthy striving (“I want to do well”) and tips into Perfectionism (“If I don’t do this perfectly, I fail”). That’s a completely different conversation in their mind.

And in therapy, it’s often the first cue to explore into other possible co-existing conditions.

Perfectionism and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Perfectionism and OCD can look similar from the outside since both involve repeating, checking, redoing. The difference being the underlying motivation for the behavior.

With OCD, behaviors are driven by intrusive fears and compulsions intended to reduce anxiety or prevent something catastrophic.

Perfectionism is usually fueled by something different: fear of judgment, shame, disappointing others, or losing a sense of control.

From the outside they can look similar. Underneath, they’re very different experiences. Therapy for perfectionism addresses these unique aspects through focusing on breaking patterns and releasing the control they have over your experiences.

Perfectionism, Anxiety, and Depression

This is where the research gets interesting.

A 2025 study in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that “discrepancy perfectionism” – the gap between the standards you set and how you actually perform – directly predicts symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress. Other research puts real numbers on it: roughly 17% of people with maladaptive perfectionist traits meet criteria for depression, and about 15% meet criteria for both depression and anxiety together.

How Perfectionism contributes to Burnout

Not all perfectionism is created equal. Researchers generally sort it into three types:

• Self-oriented perfectionism — the standards you set for yourself
• Other-oriented perfectionism — the standards you expect from others
• Socially prescribed perfectionism — the standards you believe others expect from you

Of the three, socially prescribed perfectionism is the one most strongly linked to burnout and emotional exhaustion. Which makes sense because chasing a standard you didn’t set and can’t quite define is exhausting. Often hard to solve on your own, which is where therapy can help.

Signs Perfectionism Has Become a Problem

Signs of perfectionism in high-achieving adults can be disguised as being successful or hardworking. Having high standards for yourself can be useful, so how to know when it’s a problem can be tricky.

Things to watch for:

• Spending more time polishing than actually finishing.
• Procrastinating because you’re afraid your work won’t be good enough.
• A harsh inner critic that doesn’t quiet down even after you succeed.
• Avoiding opportunities where success isn’t guaranteed.
• Believing your worth rises and falls with your performance.
• Struggling to enjoy accomplishments because you’re already focused on what’s next.

If these sound familiar, you’re not broken — you just might be perfectionist. And perfectionism, unlike a diagnosis, is something you can actually work on.

How to Start Letting Go of Perfectionism

There’s no switch you flip that suddenly makes perfectionism disappear. Instead, you begin changing your relationship with it. If you’ve googled “how to stop being a perfectionist” – here’s where to start.

6 Practical Strategies from a Therapist

1. Name your inner critic.

Perfectionism appears with voice that says you’re not enough unless everything is flawless. Giving that voice a name (some people call theirs “the critic,” others get more specific with a real name), makes it easier to notice when it’s talking and to respond instead of reacting.

2. Practice “good enough.”

Aim for 80% instead of 100%. Most people genuinely can’t tell the difference between your best effort and your very best effort — but you can feel the difference in how much time and stress it costs you.

3. Set a time limit before you start.

Perfectionism thrives on unlimited revision time. Give a task a hard stop — twenty minutes, an hour, whatever fits — and when the timer’s up, you’re done. This strategy alone can cut hours out of your week.

4. Reframe mistakes as data, not failure.

A mistake isn’t proof that you’re inadequate; it’s information about what to adjust next time. This is a small reframe, but it changes how much a slip-up costs you emotionally.

5. Practice self-compassion exercises for perfectionists.

When the perfectionistic thoughts show up, try pausing and saying — out loud or silently — “Mistakes happen. I’m human.” It sounds simple, almost too simple, but self-compassion research consistently shows it reduces the anxiety that fuels perfectionism in the first place.

6. Know when to bring in support.

If perfectionism has been with you a long time, willpower alone often isn’t enough to shift it — and that’s not a personal failing (as much as your inner critic will say differently). As a therapist, my primary modality is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Here is a great article outlining how using ACT for Perfectionism is shown to be highly effective!

When To Seek Professional Support

If perfectionism is interfering with your relationships, affecting your confidence, or your ability to enjoy your life – it’s worth talking to someone.

This doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means that the pattern has grown to impact your quality of life and affected the way you can show up to what matters most.

The Bottom Line

Perfectionism isn’t something you are – it’s something your mind has learned to do – and it certainly isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a learned pattern that can be changed.

Pay attention to how it shows up for you, be honest about whether it’s crossing into anxiety, depression, or something else.

How to Begin

Often I’ll tell clients that you will still experience all of the same things – but through therapy and learning new skills you empower yourself to choose HOW you will experience them.

If this resonates with you – follow the link below to connect more on how working together could help you begin letting go of perfectionism and start living your life in alignment!

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FAQ

Is perfectionism a form of anxiety? Not exactly — but the two are closely linked. Perfectionism often fuels anxious thoughts, and anxiety can intensify perfectionistic behavior, creating a loop between the two.

Can perfectionism be cured or only managed? Most research points to “managed” rather than “cured.” Perfectionism tends to be a lasting tendency, but its intensity and impact can be significantly reduced with practice and learning skills like those found in the approach of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

What’s the difference between high standards and perfectionism? High standards feel motivating and flexible — you can adjust them and still feel good about your effort. Perfectionism feels rigid and punishing — falling short, even slightly, feels like failure.

Is perfectionism a trauma response? For some people, yes. Perfectionism can develop as a way of maintaining control or earning approval in an unpredictable or critical environment, especially in childhood.

What causes perfectionism? Perfectionism is rarely about wanting to be excellent — more often, it’s about protection. It develops as a way to stay ahead of failure, criticism, disappointment, or the fear of not being enough. Ironically, the very thing meant to keep you safe can end up being what keeps you stuck.

How do I know if I’m a perfectionist or just driven? The difference often shows up in your self-talk. Healthy striving sounds like “I want to do well.” Perfectionism sounds like “If I don’t do this perfectly, I fail.” If your inner dialogue leans toward the second, it’s likely perfectionism.

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Stephanie Thomas, MS, LPC, CMHC is a licensed professional counselor and mental performance specialist helping high achievers and athletes navigate anxiety, perfectionism, and burnout. Through her practice, Living in Alignment LLC, she helps clients build the mental skills needed to perform at their best and live with greater presence and purpose.

Learn more at www.livinginalignmentllc.com or follow along on Instagram @calmthementalnoise